I don't have the cholesterol

You know what? Climbing the proverbial corporate ladder is not all it’s cracked up to be, and that’s from someone who didn’t have much ambition in that direction to begin with. I mean it’s nice to be promoted but I’m working all the time now. All. The. Time. I work like a dog. 

And you know what else? Forget that, because I know a bunch of dogs, and they’re all lazy and shiftless. They sleep 18 hours a day and spend the rest of their time sniffing things and trying to score free food. A day of my life would kill your average dog. No work ethic at all. 

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Earlier today, I asked my 16-year-old son if he’d seen any of the milk crate challenge videos, and he replied in the affirmative. “You’re not going to try that, are you?” I asked. 

He scoffed. “No. Where am I going to get 20 milk crates?”

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It’s the next day now. I stopped work a few minutes earlier, only to notice that I have ten million household chores yet to do. That’s another problem. I need to get everyone else in the house to do more of this stuff, but I don’t. I do it all myself, and then I wonder why I’m exhausted. 

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I mean, I was glad to hear the “no,” but I do wish it was prompted by concerns more practical and urgent than milk crate supply chain issues, know what I mean? 

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I have been writing several different things all at once, but my real job has been sucking up most of my mental energy, so this has to suffice as my writing for today. Milk crates and vacuuming. Maybe I should just write Twitter threads. A Twitter thread is its own literary form, and I read one today that includes a line that I will be repeating for years to come: “You don’t have the cholesterol to be out here.” 

Analyzing why a thing is funny generally makes it no longer funny, so I won’t ruin this line by overthinking it. 

OK, it’s the word “cholesterol.” It’s a fatty acid, right? Or at least it’s close enough to a fatty acid. And fatty acids do more than clog arteries; they also yield ATP through metabolic processes. So that’s a shorthand but obscure but also hilarious way of saying that someone doesn’t have the necessary energy. I won't get into an exegesis of "out here," which is a thing all to itself. Brilliant writing. I can only hope to be so creative. Not today, though. Fatty acids are in short supply.