You won't believe what this cat does next

Dear Internet,

1. "This" is either a pronoun or a determiner.  As the former, it's often used at the end of a clause, as in "Look at this."  As the latter, it's usually used at the beginning of the clause, as in "This is interesting; consider reading it."  In no case is the word "this" meant to be used as a one-word sentence to indicate the writer's approval of or agreement with something.  If you want me to click on your link or like your post, then write "Look at this," or "This is interesting/funny/crazy; you should read it."  If you write simply "This," then I'm going to ignore whatever it is.*
2. "This is everything" is not an acceptable use of "this" as the determiner; accordingly, I'll also ignore anything prefaced by that sentence.*
3. I'll consider reading your top ten list or viewing your top 17 slide show.  There are rules, however.  If it's a list, then you have exactly one click.  The entire content of the list must be visible at the first click (if it's a long list, I'll allow a second page.) If it's a slide show, then you have exactly one click per entry/image.  I will bail out of any slide show that forces me to click once to see the image, then to click again to see the caption, then again to see additional description, then again to move on to the next image.  One click per entry.*
4. If I see "you won't believe what happens next" in the title or subtitle, then I'll take you at your word and will decline to click on the link at all.
5. Pick a platform.  Almost nothing is worthy of appearing on Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, AND Instagram.  Each of those platforms has its own particular uses.  Determine the best medium for the message or image you want to share, and post accordingly.  If I already liked it on IG, then I probably don't want to see it on Facebook or Twitter.**

Well, that's all for now.  Hope all is well.  

Sincerely,

CDP

* Unless there are funny cats.  

** See previous note; in this case, however, they better be really funny cats. 

I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name

Dear Claire,

We are potstickers.  Aptly named, we stick to pots.  Show us a pot, and we'll stick to it with a tenacity that would put a bulldog with a bone to shame. None of us even finished elementary school, let alone a university degree in the English language, but we're smart enough to know what something called a "POT-STICKER"  plans to do. 

Here's the thing:  We didn't deceive you.  We didn't try to conceal our true nature.  With our name, we made our intentions quite clear.  So when you cook a bunch of us and then leave us in a big bowl while you go off to chop vegetables, it seems rather foolish (one might even say "asinine" or "idiotic") that you would then react with shocked and outraged chagrin when you find that we have, in fact, stuck to the pot.  The name is not symbolic in any way; nor is it an ironic, postmodern challenge to would-be deconstructionists.  Honestly, we are just not that sophisticated.  The name "potsticker" was meant to be interpreted in the most literal sense.  "Potsticker" = "That which sticks to the pot".

We apologize for any misunderstanding.  In future dealings with us, do try to remember that when confronted with a pot, any pot, we will stick to it with single-minded determination.  Barnacles will be scraped off the hull of a shipwreck more easily than we will be separated from the pot to which we stick.  It's called a raison d'etre.  Look it up, genius.

Yours sincerely,
The Potstickers
(we stick to pots)