A temporary infirmity is an inconvenient but helpful reminder to take care of ourselves and to be mindful of our limitations. It’s not that I’m out there running marathons or anything but I’m careless sometimes. I do stupid things like stand on rickety chairs to reach high shelves. I try to carry everything from the car to the house in one trip. I stand up too quickly and abruptly. 60-year-old ladies can’t do crazy things like that. We have to be careful.
Yes, this is a comment about a specific thing that happened, and not just general fitness and wellness advice, which I don’t provide because I am not qualified. Do NOT follow me for more fitness and nutrition advice.
Anyway, do you remember when your grandparents used to talk about hurting themselves by sleeping the wrong way or getting up out of a chair too fast? Yeah, they were not exaggerating. It turns out that you actually CAN hurt yourself by standing up too quickly, which is what I did a few days ago, and I’m still recovering.
I don’t even know exactly what happened. I woke up on Wednesday morning feeling just fine, and then later in the morning, I sat down and then stood up and all of a sudden my lower back was just a spasming knot of pain. I went about the rest of my day pretty much as usual, except that I moved more carefully than normal and I took frequent stretch breaks. I went to bed early. I took ibuprofen. But it was worse the next morning, bad enough that I took my first sick day in a year. I felt very guilty about this, and I have no idea why. My boss is very cool, and I know that no one faulted me for taking a day to rest, but there it is - you don’t have to be a Protestant to have Protestant work ethic guilt.
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The very nature of this injury is embarrassing. It’s literally an insult added to an injury. It’s indignity piled on top of infirmity. I can’t claim to have hurt myself moving furniture or playing tennis or skiing. I have to look people in the face and tell them that I’m recovering from a chair-sitting injury. Jesus. Old age can fuck off.
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It’s Sunday now, and my back still hurts but I’m recovering. I’m about 70 percent better, and I expect to be in full working order in a few days. A little more stretching, a little more rest, a few ibuprofen here and there, and I’ll be as right as rain, if rain is right. Who makes up these sayings, anyway? Now I just have to adjust to the unfortunate reality that standing up out of a chair is now as dangerous as parkour.
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