Homeland Security

I worked from home today after almost leaving my computer at work yesterday. In fact, I DID actually leave my computer at work yesterday. I breezed out the door at 6 PM, and was halfway to Gate 5 (which I would soon learn had been locked since 5, forcing me to turn around and walk to Gate 2, but that’s a story for another day) when it occurred to me that my bag seemed very light. It was light because I didn’t have it. At all. I had my purse, but I had left my work bag with my notebooks and papers and of course, my computer, on my desk. Thankfully, I was wearing my badge and was able to get back in the building to retrieve it. Thankfully, I realized that the bag was missing before I got home or worse yet before I woke up this morning ready to work only to find that I didn’t have a computer. 

It is not lost on me that I wrote a whole post last week mocking the “theft” of DHS Secretary Kristi Noem’s Saul Goodman go bag. Maybe I’m a little bit hypocritical for making fun of this woman when I am obviously just as careless with my belongings. Except my bag was on my desk in my locked office in a secure space on a Navy installation. And I just forgot it - I didn’t leave it on the floor in a restaurant. So Ms. Noem and I are not the same, and I stand by my initial take on the purse heist. And who - who, I ask you - could have predicted that an arrest would be made and that the person arrested would be an undocumented immigrant? 

This seems plausible, doesn’t it? An undocumented person puts on a face mask, walks into a very busy Capitol Hill restaurant filled with exactly the kind of people that an undocumented person would run a mile in tight shoes to avoid, attracts absolutely zero attention from a gaggle of Secret Service agents, sits RIGHT NEXT to the person the Secret Service agents are supposedly protecting, steals her $4,000 Gucci bag right out from under the chair THAT SHE’S SITTING IN, and then saunters out the door without a hair out of place? Sure. OK. It all makes sense. It all adds up. No holes in that story whatsoever.

And in the very unlikely event that this picaresque little tale is true, should Secretary Noem not resign immediately? Girl, you can’t secure your own belongings. How are you going to secure the gosh darn Homeland?