It's all your fault

It’s the virtual first day of school, or the first day of virtual school, or whatever you want to call it, here in Maryland. My older son started his second year of college with a 9 AM Zoom session, and my younger son started his second year of high school with another 9 AM Zoom session; and thankfully, our Wi-Fi is capable of supporting all of this simultaneous activity because I also had a call at 9 o’clock, but on Teams rather than Zoom. 

Because we’re back to starting before Labor Day (make up your mind, Maryland), the first day of school doesn’t make me feel like summer is over. The weather is doing that--it’s raining and cool today, more like the end of September than the last day of August. So far, only two of my Instagram friends have posted first-day-of-school pictures. I suppose there’s no point, but I do like first-day-of-school pictures. Is there nothing that the damn ‘rona won’t take away? Now I don’t even get to scroll through a feed full of smiling faces and first-day outfits and new backpacks? You’re a bitch, 2020. I said what I said. 

*****

Now it’s the second day of school. Just like that, the routine that I have become accustomed to during the last few months is over, and I have to adjust to a new one. Another test of my well-honed change management skills. 

I blame 2020 for a lot of shit, but I can’t blame it for my time-wasting indecisiveness, because that long out-dates this terrible year. I’m almost finished working for the day, and I’m just about paralyzed with indecision about what to do for the rest of the day. Or more accurately, when and how to do what I’m going to do, because I know exactly what I need to do for the rest of the day; it’s just that I can’t decide when to do what, and I’m going to fritter away at least 30 minutes while I weigh pros and cons and compare approaches and consider possible outcomes. Maddening, I tell you. 

I want to exercise outside. I’d always rather swim, but I know that the water will be much colder than I like. But time is running out for outdoor swimming, and it might be better to suffer a few minutes of cold than to lose one of the few remaining pool days. But I also have to shop for my old lady today, and swimming will take longer than walking because I’ll have to take a shower afterward. And dinner--what am I supposed to do about dinner? People expect to eat every day, several times a day; and they all look to me to make that happen. And they’re not wrong, because someone has to be responsible and it might as well be me. Why not me? 

The cold water will be invigorating. It will clear my mind. It might be a new season but I will still cling to the vestiges of the old one while I can. Suck it, 2020. 

*****

Yes, I know that I said that I wasn’t blaming 2020, but a foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds. There’s nothing bad that 2020 can’t make worse, including my decision-making skills.