The 11th Hour, (almost) Literally

Word count is just a suggestion, right?  I'm 500 words over, give or take.  This whole thing is held together by the very flimsiest of spit, glue, and Rube Goldberg arguments, and I'm pretty sure it won't hold up to scrutiny if I take out even a sentence, let alone 2 to 3 paragraphs.  Apparently, I learned nothing in freshman comp.  Damn it.