Updates

Do you know how many times my doctor’s office has texted me in the last few months? No, neither do I. I have lost count. 

I actually really like my actual doctor. She’s great. And her office is good too. It’s cheerful and pleasant, very conveniently located, with nice people at the front desk. But the nice people are not the ones who are texting me all the time. MedStar has a very eager team of AI-powered little bots who send me incessant reminders to complete their surveys (absolutely not), pick up my prescriptions (the pharmacy also texts me), get my blood work done, and schedule follow-up appointments. It’s a lot. 

After putting it off repeatedly, I finally scheduled my colonoscopy, which is happening at the end of June, about six weeks from now. Do I need the pre-operative and pre-anesthesia instructions now? Do they really need my consent forms submitted electronically six weeks ahead of the procedure, especially since they’ll probably make me do them again in pen and ink? And do I need reminders about this very important paperwork every single day? Well, to be fair, the answer to that last question is probably yes because I’ll avoid medical paperwork until someone forces me to do it or until the end of time, whichever comes first. But the constant reminders are exacerbating my already entrenched resistance to completing paperwork and complying with medical instructions. 

*****

“Entrenched resistance” is actually a good way to describe my attitude toward pretty much anything right now. I complain about every single task - silently, of course, because no one wants to listen to that. But I have to hand it to myself because other than cooking every day (again - absolutely not), I’m still doing almost everything else I need to do, and I’m doing it well and on time. I’m maintaining a good front. I’ll even deal with the pre-anesthesia forms. Just not today. 

*****

The pool opens on Saturday, marking the official start of summer, normally my favorite season. But I’m not looking forward to it as much as I normally would. My son won’t be home for most of the summer. It’s not the same. Everything seems off. But at least we get a three-day weekend. 

*****

The day after I wrote this was the day that a short but very intense heat wave rolled into the DMV. I went to work on Monday and when I went outside at lunchtime, the glass door of my building sighed and hissed a little as I opened it to step out onto the track for a short walk in the 95-degree heat. The air was dense, almost saturated with humidity. Even the military people were walking - not running, not doing calisthenics, not flipping giant tires across the soccer field - just walking. That is how hot it was. It was amazing. Even when everything feels all wrong, summer is still summer. 

But it’s 2026, so even summer is going to mess with me a little. It’s Tuesday now, and about 92 degrees at 6 PM. Forecast for Wednesday? 93 and sunny. Forecast for MDW Saturday? 58 and raining. It’s also going to rain on Sunday, with temperatures in the low 60s. On Memorial Day itself, it might climb all the way to 70. 

Maybe it won’t rain. The pool has been filled for several weeks now, so the water will have warmed up quite a bit. If the overnight temperatures don’t drop below the mid-50s on Thursday and Friday night, it might be just bearable for swimming on Saturday. I’ll report back. 

*****

I worked from home on Tuesday and I couldn’t log in. After a few unsuccessful tries, I got the dreadful and dreaded “CAC is blocked” message, leaving me with no choice but to get in my car, drive to the badging office, and get someone to help me. I almost walked out the door without the said CAC card, which would have been a fun thing to discover just as I reached the gate. Thankfully, I remembered it, and then spent the whole ride to work worrying that maybe I’d been fired and that no one had told me. But I got through the gate with no trouble, and after a few anxious minutes in the badging office (anxious because I was parked illegally - the badging office people are quite lovely), I had a working CAC card and an unticketed car and I returned home to work, rejoicing all the way. 

It’s Wednesday now, and intensely hot again. We expect thunderstorms later in the day, followed by a sharp temperature drop. It’s a good thing that I don’t do the whole “pack clothes away for the season" thing, because it seems that I will need summer and winter clothes available at all times; sometimes both on the same day. El nino, your timing is terrible. We live in interesting-enough times without the constant weather drama. 

*****

It’s Thursday and I’m working from home again but I’m not actually working right now because my computer is taking a little break. More about that in a few minutes. 

Yesterday it was sunny and blazing hot. Then it rained and rained and rained and now it’s pearly gray and cool. Internet joke that I wish I’d thought of: Maryland weather went from 95 to 58 so fast you’d think it spotted a state trooper. 

I got another text message from MedStar, warning me that this would be my last text message and that if I didn’t respond, they’ll be left with no choice but to call me. Say less, bro. You could have just done that in the first place. Meanwhile, just as I finished scoffing at that text message and put the phone down, my computer displayed a dodgy, fake-looking pop-up notifying me that I had 60 seconds to save my work before it shut down on its own. This pop-up looked like every phishing scam ever presented in every DoD cyber awareness training module ever. Blurry outline, garish colors, low-resolution font, little yellow exclamation point triangle - the whole shebang. 

Without much time to react, I tried to get a screenshot of the dodgy pop-up and I managed to get it but the computer shut down before I could send it to anyone. And before I could react any further, the computer turned itself back on and started a series of updates. And those updates took almost two hours. 

There’s a lot more to this story, but I’m bored just writing about it so I will spare you from reading anymore. Cutting to the proverbial chase, it was a legitimate update, and several other people experienced the same thing, and the computer is fine now. The end. 

*****

Time to wrap this up. It is Memorial Day Weekend Friday and between the 55 degrees and cloudy weather that’s better suited to late October and the general all-around garbage pile that constitutes modern life at this moment, it really doesn’t feel like MDW, except that we will be attending a graduation party on Sunday. And I might try to swim tomorrow, but not if I’m the only person in the pool, and what other idiot is going to try to swim outdoors in this weather? This is the extent of my weekend plans, and I don’t mind. I might even do the stupid colonoscopy paperwork. Or maybe I’ll install some updates. I’m sorely in need of updates.