Six weeks in and we don’t have many rules for this, other than mask-wearing and six feet of social distance. I go through my closet every morning, wondering “What do I wear for this? What is fitting? What is proper?” I haven’t worn a skirt or dress in six weeks. I hardly ever wear a nice blouse. I wear, almost every day, some combination of a t-shirt (long- or short-sleeved; graphic or print or plain), a cardigan (usually an open-front style) and either yoga pants or jeans.
There’s nothing stopping me from wearing nicer clothes, but it just doesn’t seem appropriate. But what’s appropriate? I don’t know. There are no rules.
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It’s Sunday now, 9:15 AM. I’ve been up for an hour, but I’m still in my pajamas. It’s raining. I’m wondering what I should do. Take a shower and get dressed? Get dressed without showering first? I don’t have to be anywhere at any particular time, so there’s nothing forcing me to act. No rules.
I’ll take a shower, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll get off the couch and start moving and get ready for the day, even if the day won’t include any activity for which getting ready is required. That’s the only way to prevent inertia from gaining a foothold.
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It’s hard to believe that it’s almost May. With everything suspended and every week much the same as the last and the persistent gray and chill it seems more like March 57 than April 26. I’ll always remember this whole time as an extended, endless March.
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Today, someone texted me a hilarious video about teachers teaching during the pandemic. Or maybe it was a video about parents homeschooling their kids during the pandemic. Actually, it might have been about children trying to deal with spotty technology and inept parents who don’t understand new math? I don’t know, because I didn’t watch it. I sent the sender a laughing emoji, though, just to be polite.
Although, God help me, maybe that wasn’t polite because maybe it wasn’t a funny video at all? That would be awkward, wouldn’t it? I hope it was a funny video, and that my ha ha ha emoji was the appropriate response. Two points: One, I’ll never know for sure unless the person tells me because there’s no way in hell that I’m going to watch another hilarious coronavirus video. Two, if it was a funny video, then maybe the laughing emoji was not the right response, because do I really want to encourage this sort of thing? No. I do not.
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Someone else sent me this meme, which I did and do find legitimately hilarious.
I didn’t buy a dragon or a crozier or a miter, but I did buy a sweater and a pair of earrings and a wallet and a bunch of t-shirts for my husband and sons and a pullover anorak from my high school alumnae association and some skincare products. And some pants. And some wine.
This is embarrassing, now that I see the list; and I’m sure I forgot something. On the other hand, I’ve also donated over $1,000 since the crisis began. Every time I see an online fundraiser for people who are suffering, I throw some money at it.
I honestly don’t know how it is that I have so much money, both to spend and to donate. I haven’t put gas in my car in over a month, and I only grocery shop once a week, so that accounts for some of the extra cash. I’m not buying lunch but I never really did buy lunch--I bring my lunch to work almost every day. We get takeout twice a week--probably about the same as before all this. I think that when I’m out in the world, I spend money carelessly and thoughtlessly and it just runs through my fingers and I never really know where it goes. Now that I hardly ever leave the house, I don’t have any chance to spend little sums here and there. That leaves me with extra, for charitable donations and for unnecessary earrings. And bracelets! I forgot that I bought a bracelet, too.
I’m worried about money just like everyone else. I’m lucky that I’m still working but I’m aware every day that this state might not continue and that I could lose my job any day. I should probably save more than I do, just in case.
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Or maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe I should just keep giving money away, because you can’t take it with you. Maybe I should continue to buy new clothes and Kindle books. I’ll need plenty of reading material in the coming weeks; and even though I can’t go anywhere, I can keep upgrading my wardrobe so that I’m ready when it’s time to actually leave the house. I have or will soon have new tops, a jacket, earrings, a bracelet, a scarf, and a sweater. I’ll try out some outfit combinations, and see what works. If I need to accessorize, I can always buy a crozier or a miter. It’s a lot of look, but I can probably pull it off.
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