Bear with me while I write about the crazy-ass Maryland weather once again. Notice that I didn't say just one more time because we all know that wouldn't be true.
It's May 21, a Wednesday morning, and we're on our way to the Xfinity Center at the University of Maryland for my son's graduation. He's graduating a little late but he stuck with it and got it done. He’s delighted, and we are delighted for him.
But I was talking about the weather, wasn't I? It's cold and raining and it feels like November out here. Girls bought summer dresses for commencement day and it's cold enough for jeans and a sweater. At least they have gowns.
I also graduated at the Xfinity Center, then known as the Comcast Center. It's Maryland's basketball venue and has all of the same rules and procedures as every other big sports arena. We're standing in the rain waiting to go through the magnetometers. It's 1053 now and the doors are to open at 11. Security personnel are walking through the lines of parents and friends loudly and emphatically reminding us that we can't have weapons or glass bottles or oversized umbrellas. Sir, Ma’am: We're just trying to stay dry out here. No one is smuggling contraband into the University of Maryland basketball arena.
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Those doors opened promptly at 11 and we're inside now waiting for the ceremony to begin. Seating is unassigned so we got a front row on the mezzanine with a great view of the floor and the stage. I bought a crazy kukui nut necklace painted red and gold with Maryland terrapins and flag patterns as a souvenir for my son. I handed over my Visa card, and the student volunteer swiped it and handed it back with the necklace, and it didn’t occur to me until I sat back down that I didn’t get a receipt. I have no idea how much that kukui nut necklace cost, which makes it a good metaphor for my son’s entire college education.
But whatever it cost, we were happy to pay. My husband and I grew up very working class. We had roofs over our heads and we didn’t go hungry but we didn’t have luxuries and we certainly didn’t grow up with any expectation of college or travel or any of the middle class experiences that our children have enjoyed. We look at our lives sometimes, and our children’s lives, and we’re amazed. Our house is small and simple, and we drive basic cars, and we have a fairly modest income - but our children played music and sports and have visited other countries. They drive their own cars and attend college. Sometimes we can’t believe we did all this.
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It’s not about us, though, is it? My son graduated a bit late, a fact that bothers him and does not bother us at all. He graduated from high school in 2019 and started classes at our local community college that autumn. He’d been accepted at several private colleges, one of which wanted him to swim for their team; and at several universities in the Maryland system, including Towson and Salisbury but not including UMD, his top choice. He really wanted to go to Maryland and he decided that he’d rather go as a transfer student after community college than settle for another school. His first semester at MC was great, and then the pandemic shut everything down during his second semester, and he started to fall apart academically. Then he lost a very close friend to suicide, and began what will probably be a lifetime struggle with anxiety and depression. He talked about quitting school and I urged him to keep going, no matter how long it took, even if he took just one class at a time. “By the time I graduate, I’ll be 25,” he’d say. “You’ll be 25 anyway,” I’d say, “with or without your degree. You might as well be 25 with your degree.”
He saw the wisdom in this - hard-won wisdom from a mother who “took a semester off” and didn’t finish college until age 47 - and he persevered. There were two semesters when he only took two classes, but then with summer classes and winter break classes, and a 19-credit final semester, he beat his own projection. He’ll be 24 next month, and now has a BA in Anthropology from the University of Maryland. We are very very proud of him.
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Epilogue: About that kukui nut necklace. It cost $87. Eighty seven US dollars! Lesson learned - do not hand your credit card over to the adorable college kids running the pop-up trinket shop without asking the price of the trinket.
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