Self-help

Every year right around this time - this time being the end of January slash beginning of February - I realize that it’s time to finish and publish my book list. This year is a little chaotic to say the very least. There’s a lot going on. And so not only have I not finished my book list, I have not even started it. In fact, I’m already writing about books I’m reading in 2025. 

I’ll get around to the 2024 book list, any day now. Meanwhile let’s talk about The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins. This is a self-help book; and to say that self-help is not a genre that I typically read would be an understatement. I never read self-help books. What was I thinking? 

*****

Well, I’ll tell you. I saw a CNN interview with Mel Robbins, and there was something about her, about the way she explained her “Let Them” theory that was compelling to me, and so I got the book. And there is nothing wrong with this theory - in fact it’s quite helpful - but I got pretty much everything I needed out of that 2-minute interview. BLUF (that’s bottom line up front): If people are doing things that bother you, that are bad for them, that are counterproductive - LET THEM. And of course there’s more, too - there’s a “Let me” component, too. Let them do what they’re going to do, and let me choose how I’m going to react to their actions. 

That’s pretty much it. An essay would have sufficed. It didn’t require a whole book. More than the length, though, I had a hard time with the writing. There’s a lot of jargon and social media speak, a lot of “holding space.” The last straw was an extended discussion of Robbins’ ABC method for resolving disagreements and improving interpersonal communication. The “A” stands for Apologize and Ask Open-Ended Questions. I can’t remember what the B and C stand for and I’m not going to look it up. And I’m absolutely not going to sit and ask someone a million “How does that make you feel” questions. Yes, that’s what Mel Robbins recommends, and no it is not good advice unless you are talking to idiots who wouldn’t be capable of seeing right through this tactic. No one wants to be manipulated, and no one wants to be psychoanalyzed by an amateur. 

*****

Just like I never read self-help, I also almost never abandon a book without finishing it but I made an exception in this case - I got about two thirds of the way through and then realized that I didn’t have to finish reading it if I didn’t want to, and I didn’t want to. Mel Robbins is a good speaker and communicator, and if you’re interested in her advice (and notwithstanding the ABC nonsense, some of her advice is quite good) then I would recommend that you listen to her podcast. I might do that, actually - I am looking for a new podcast. But I won’t be reading - or writing about - any more self-help books this year. Or maybe ever.