Rodent vandals

There’s a new bird feeder outside my window, with an Arlo camera trained on it, as my husband’s long battle to keep the squirrels out of his birdfeeders enters a new and deadly phase. The new feeder is hanging from a length of copper tubing mounted to the fence, and angled so that the feeder is too far from the trees and the fence for the squirrels to reach. But the squirrels are determined and daring. 

Why a new bird feeder, you might ask? We had to replace the old bird feeder because a little black squirrel knocked it down. How do we know that a little black squirrel is the culprit? Yes, that’s right, we have video footage of the little black squirrel sitting on top of the fence, calculating its trajectory before taking the flying leap that took down the bird feeder and a good-sized tree branch. The squirrel escaped unharmed after stuffing itself on the scattered bird seed. I am that squirrel’s biggest fan. I’m not saying that I would deliberately sabotage my husband’s squirrel defenses, but I do continue to oppose this unwarranted prejudice against squirrels. I don’t see why the birds should have everything handed to them. I don't see why the squirrels can't get a break. 

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Even with the rather extreme heat and humidity this summer, we’ve had few thunderstorms, but we’re making up for it now. It’s Tuesday, the second day in a row of thunderstorms. We need the rain, but I also need to go swimming. Me vs. nature: Nature wins, every time. 

Really, that’s true for anyone vs. nature, but some of us, like the person I’m married to, will try to fight the inevitable. In brand-new Arlo footage released this morning, a small black squirrel (the same one? A new one?) leapt from the fence and landed on the new bird feeder and hung on for a few minutes before finally dropping to the ground. The new bird feeder is slippery, and the little ledge where the birds roost, stuffing themselves on free birdseed, is nothing but a narrow wire, so there’s not much for the squirrel to cling to. But my husband is not the only one who’s not giving up. That squirrel is going to keep trying, and I’m here for him. He’s an underdog, just like USA Men’s Gymnastics, and look what happened there. 

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I’ll continue to root for the squirrels but I draw the line at raccoons, especially the agile and daring variety of raccoon that climbs trees and hangs upside down and then digs right into our bird feeder, which is there for the birds. And the squirrels. My husband got up in the middle of the night to chase the raccoon away after an Arlo notification on his phone alerted him to its presence. Later footage revealed that the stupid raccoon came right back and stuffed itself on bird seed. The bird feeder is still in place, but it won’t be for long if this fat-ass nocturnal rodent keeps swinging from it. Bird feeders are not designed to hold ten pounds of obese trash panda. So we’re going to the mattresses. My husband bought a humane trap, and will take his prisoners to the woods adjacent the Turkey Branch Parkway. This of course will avail us nothing except for new raccoons, but my husband will never stop fighting nature, no matter his win-loss record.