Suburban bear

A fire drill on a sunny warm Monday afternoon is a nice little break in the day. I work with friendly people so we had a pleasant little social gathering in the courtyard while we waited for the all clear. But fire drills aren't the most interesting thing happening on Naval Support Activity Bethesda. There's also a bear. That's not a joke, nor a metaphor. There was an actual bear sighting last week in the woods between the University and Walter Reed. I yield to no one in my respect for the Navy but they’re not trained to fight bears. 

The bear has been spotted at locations all over Rockville and Bethesda and Silver Spring, all close to one another and all places where bears do not belong. It's unnerving. I keep seeing social media posts offering well-intentioned advice from animal control and the Maryland and National Park Services. Don't run. Don't scream. Back away slowly. The don't run part is easy for me because I know that almost anything can outrun me. Especially a black bear, which can apparently run as fast as a race horse. You’d think that a bear would be a clumsy, lumbering creature, but apparently not. I learn something new every day, but this little factoid about the land speed of black bears is something that I would have been happy not to know. 

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I've been on guard on my walks around the neighborhood. I scan my surroundings and I maintain situational awareness. For what purpose, I don’t know because again, I have no chance of outrunning a bear and even less chance of winning a fight against one. Bear vs. Claire - Bear wins every time. But I’d like to at least see it coming, I guess. 

On Monday, I walked on the track on the base. It was a nice day - a really nice day - but the track was almost deserted. No students playing soccer, no PT, no one walking or running - it was disconcerting. I saw someone’s hoodie hanging on a railing, and I thought “Well, that’s it - the bear got someone, and left the evidence behind.” I thought for a moment about going inside, but then I decided to press on because they might never catch that stupid bear and I can’t stay inside all summer. And then a few other people ventured out and I wasn’t alone on the track anymore. I was still on my guard, but I felt much more at ease. 

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They got that bear (I can only hope it was the same bear and that the Maryland suburbs aren’t bear country now) in the most cartoon storyline way imaginable - they set a (humane) trap next to a beehive in a backyard where the bear had been spotted last week. The amateur beekeeper whose backyard it is apparently never considered that his beehives and the honey they produce might attract bears. And who can blame him? We’re in suburban Maryland not gosh-darn Wyoming. I’d never have worried about bears either. Of course, I also wouldn’t keep bees. 

According to the news reports about the bear’s capture, he weighs about 140 pounds. I saw a very grainy little surveillance camera video, and he’s really very cute. I don’t know much about bears but I imagined something ferocious-looking and Kodiak-sized, in the 500 - 700 pound range. I weigh more than 140 pounds, for crying out loud. I’m still pretty sure that the little bear would beat me in a fight, but he’d have had to work for it. I’d have gone down swinging. Anyway, he’s been relocated to a more bear-friendly location, probably somewhere in the Catoctin mountains. Maybe he’ll show up at Camp David. Then he’ll be the Secret Service’s problem.