If the COVID and the monkeypox and the impending collapse of civilization weren’t enough for me to worry about, I’m scared to drive now. This is because I am a terrible, terrible, no-good driver. I used to be a very very good driver. Yes, yes, I know that everyone claims to be a great driver but you should believe me when I tell you that I was once an excellent driver because I am truthfully telling you that I am a terrible driver now.
I say that I’m scared to drive because I’m a terrible driver but the reverse is equally true. I am a terrible driver because I am scared to drive. I am by turns apprehensive, fearful, and downright terrified when I’m on the road, and this does not make for good Capital Beltway driving, I tell you what. I used to drive the Beltway with carefree aplomb, every morning and night. I drove the Inner Loop from Silver Spring to Capital Heights every morning and the Outer Loop from Capital Heights back to Silver Spring every evening, in every kind of traffic and weather condition, and I never gave it a moment’s thought. Sometimes I’d get to work and realize that I didn’t remember the drive. I drove the Beltway on autopilot, utterly fearless. Tonight, I had to drive the Outer Loop from the Clara Barton Parkway to Connecticut Avenue–a very short stretch in case you don’t know the Beltway, in pretty light traffic at 7:30 PM–and I nearly had a cardiac event. Who knows, maybe I did have a cardiac event. I should have an EKG. I’ve been home for two hours, and my heart rate is almost normal now. Almost.
*****
It’s the next day now, and I'm at work. I wouldn't normally be writing when I'm at work, but I'm also on the phone with the help desk, so I can’t do any work because the technician just remotely took over my computer, and I think he and I are going to be here for a while. That's because I have at least four different open tickets, two of which are months old. I have a lot of work to do, so it's a terrible time for me to be in a veritable hostage situation with the help desk but I'm afraid that if I don't let them fix my computer now then I won't hear from them again until November. I learned to live with the problem I reported back in June but this more recent problem is affecting my ability to do my job or at least part of my job, so I need to get it taken care of now while I can.
We're off the phone now, and I'm waiting with considerable trepidation for a firmware update to finish. My need-to-solve-now problem involved a Drupal dev environment so I don't know why I need a firmware update but I don't really know anything about anything so when the help desk tells me that I need a firmware update, I don’t argue. Still, the computer was just fine before, except for the Drupal thing, and now I'm worried that the firmware update will create a new problem rather than solving the old one.
*****
It’s later, and I’m home. My computer was fine (except that the Drupal problem remains unsolved) and I finished work and drove home without incident. The routine daily drive to and from work is easy. It’s the detours and unfamiliar routes and the wrong turns that get to me. Eventually, I’ll start having the panic attacks and terror episodes when I walk to my mailbox and then I’ll be unable to leave the house for any reason. That is, if the monkeypox doesn’t get to me first. But for now, everything’s good. Heart rate and pulse are good, computer is working perfectly, and I don’t have to drive anywhere for the next few days. And obviously, I’m a super fun person, too, so I’m firing on all cylinders. Hash tag #winning, as they say on the social media.
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