Fit

For the last two years, my work clothes have consisted of leggings or yoga pants, t-shirts (long- or short-sleeved, depending on the weather), and hoodies or cardigans. But that’s about to change very soon. Tomorrow, I’m starting a new job. I’ll be in the office several days a week and I can no longer dress like I’m ready for a hard day at the gym. And I don’t want to dress like that anymore; at least not all the time. In a year (well, I know myself, so let’s say three months), I’m sure I’ll be missing my stretchy clothes that are so comfortable that I don’t even need to change into pajamas before I go to sleep (I do change, but I don’t have to) but for now, I’m happy to have a chance to dress up a bit and to look like a person who has business in the world. 

I went shopping last weekend. I walked around the stores, picking up dresses and pants and skirts. That middle-aged lady who was walking around the department store shaking her head and looking confused? Yeah, that was me. It’s not that the clothes are ugly. I like lots of the styles. Palazzo pants are back and so are my beloved mid-calf rayon skirts. If they weren’t all crazy high-waisted, I’d stockpile them. The colors are nice, too. It’s the tailoring that’s off. The cuts are weird. I pick up a garment and I can’t figure out how I’m supposed to put it on my body. I tried on some dresses and skirts and a giant blouse (there’s just no other way to describe it), tugging and adjusting the whole time; adjusting the clothes to place the seams and closures where they should be,  and adjusting my eyes to the unaccustomed new shapes and silhouettes. 

Pants are especially weird, but I did find and buy one pair (black, of course). I’m wearing these pants now and the waistband is about two inches below the lower band of my bra. Maybe that’s an exaggeration but not by much. All of the pants are like this now; all normal-looking pants on the hanger that you have to pull all the way up to your collarbone in order to see if they fit. It’s an adjustment. Fit in general is an adjustment, really. I don’t understand these clothes yet. 

*****

While it’s hard to shop for new clothes for a new environment in new and unfamiliar styles, it’s also nice to have a chance to start fresh. I don’t know anyone at the new job. I interviewed on Teams, so people saw me from the shoulders up but no one knows what kind of clothes I normally wear. I could show up in anything and people would just assume that that’s how I dress. It’s freeing, really. 

But let’s not get crazy. A slight adjustment may be in order, but it’s also best to begin as you mean to go on, so I can’t show up on the first day in a sleek corporate suit and high heels and flawless hair and makeup because I could not sustain that look, and I wouldn’t really want to. I’m going for a style that’s slightly more elevated and elegant than what I have worn in the past, but not so elevated and elegant that people would be shocked and dismayed when I eventually revert to type. And I will revert to type.