Honestly

Months ago, when the uproar about Spotify and stupid Joe whatever-his-name-is and his stupid podcast still seemed worthy of attention, I started writing something about it. The thing that I was writing started out as a sort of on-the-one-hand and then on-the-other-hand acknowledgement that what’s-his-name’s approach to COVID information is stupid at best and dangerous at worst and then a further acknowledgement that artists have every right to remove their music from the platform because that’s how the First Amendment works. That’s what it’s for. 

But then I was also going to write about how I was not planning to cancel my own personal Spotify subscription just because they give a platform to one stupid chucklehead. After all, there’s no law against stupid, and even chuckleheads have First Amendment rights. But then I found out that The What’s-His-Name Experience showcased the n-word in SEVENTY episodes and that what’s-his-name and one of his stupid dudebro guests yukked it up about sexually harassing and abusing women and then it was no longer a First Amendment issue; it was just an issue of simple human decency and my responsibility not to support a company that gives a huge platform to this kind of message and this kind of messenger. So I had to cancel stupid Spotify (and I really liked stupid Spotify) and also re-write a substantial portion of a thing that I had already written. I don’t have time for this nonsense, you know what I mean? 

But since we are on the subject of problematic podcasts and stupid nonsense, let’s talk about Bari Weiss. Yeah, Bari Weiss, I know. I used to sometimes listen to Bari’s podcast “Honestly,” including part of the episode that preceded her infamous appearance on the Bill Maher show. I didn’t actually see the TV appearance because I don’t have HBO and because I just can’t stand Bill Maher. Well, I didn’t see the entire show, but I did see the now famous “I’m done with COVID” clip that made Bari Weiss the Karen of the Week. That was ages ago, of course. I'm always behind. Don't come here looking for breaking news. 

Anyway, this isn’t really about the “done with COVID” moment, which is now largely overcome by events. It’s about another episode of “Honestly,” in which Bari and her psychologist guest complained about the word “trauma.” Shall I summarize this episode for you? Here’s the gist: These young people on the TikTok and the Twitter! They break a nail and it’s “trauma!” Hothouse flowers! Snowflakes! What do they know from trauma? The Holocaust, there’s some trauma for you! 

For God’s sake. 

Well, let’s back up a second. Part of me is OK with objecting to the clinical use of the word “trauma” in any way other than how it is defined in whatever medical textbook is regarded as the authoritative source. That was the position of Bari’s psychologist guest whose name I cannot remember and do not feel like looking up. His point, a valid one, is that misusing a clinical term that has a specific and agreed-upon definition muddles the term and leads to confusion and lack of clarity in treatment and research. 

And this objection would apply to the conversational everyday use of the word, too. How many times do I tell people that words mean something, and that it’s important to try to choose words carefully? All the time, I tell you, ALL THE TIME. 

So the word “trauma” means something, and if we want to know what it means, we can just  look at a dictionary. Here is how Merriam-Webster defines the word “trauma”: “(in psychiatry) An experience that produces psychological injury or pain, or the injury so caused.” That is pretty broad, is it not? All kinds of experiences, especially experiences of young people, especially the experiences of young people since March 2020, could easily fall under the heading of “trauma.” Who is Bari Weiss or anyone, really, to decide what qualifies as “trauma” to a person who is suffering? Is it not enough to know that someone is suffering, and to just show some damn compassion? 

The whole idea of Bari and her guest questioning the validity of other people’s feelings annoyed me. I was so annoyed, actually, that I almost turned off the show. Then I second-guessed myself. I thought that maybe I was being harsh and unfair. I decided to listen for a few more minutes. And that’s when I heard the mobile therapy app commercial, narrated by Bari herself. It wasn’t the existence of the commercial or the product that it was advertising  that bothered me. I bet that mobile therapy apps are very helpful. But then in her lovely and reassuring speaking voice, Bari listed all of the different issues that the app could help with. Depression, anxiety, sleeplessness, addiction issues, compulsive behavior, stress, and (wait for it), trauma. 

Something tells me that therapists who provide services through a mobile app probably have a pretty broad definition of the word “trauma;” a definition that would contradict the very thesis of the show, namely that young people should stop calling every little problem a “trauma.”  Did Bari Weiss consider this inconsistency as she narrated the commercial? I’m sure that she recorded it earlier and that it was intended for general use on her podcast, so perhaps the contradiction never occurred to her. Perhaps she recorded that commercial months earlier and then never gave it another thought. I do stuff all the time and forget about it moments later. So it’s possible. 

On the other hand, Bari Weiss is a smart person, and her podcast is professionally produced, presumably by lots of other smart people. Did NO ONE on her staff catch this? Did no one notice that this commercial might belie the premise of the whole episode? Did no one consider that there might be a disconnect? Or did they all notice it and think about it and talk about it among themselves and ultimately decide that there wasn’t a disconnect? I don’t know. I’m overthinking this, as I tend to do. The worst interpretation is that Bari Weiss and her producers are completely aware of the inconsistency of selling “Honestly” listeners a service that helps with “trauma,” while hosting a discussion in which Bari scoffs at the very idea that any 21st century middle-class educated American even knows what trauma is. Middle class educated Americans are probably the people most likely to use a mobile therapy app and they are definitely the only people listening to Bari Weiss. 

*****

For pundits and opinion writers and commentators and thought leaders, self-appointed or otherwise, integrity is key. Integrity matters almost more than rightness; or at least it matters as much as rightness. Say (almost) whatever you want, as long as it’s not obviously hateful or ridiculous, even if it’s wrong, and as long as it comes from a place of integrity, I will still respect you. I don’t always agree with Bari Weiss, but I always considered her a person who wrote and spoke from a place of integrity. The “trauma” episode made me question this. I seriously question the integrity of a person who produces a whole podcast episode that mocks and criticizes people who think of themselves as traumatized, sponsored by an advertiser selling a service targeted at those very people. 

My objection to this episode goes beyond the obvious contradiction between its content and the advertising that supports it. The whole discussion smacked of bad faith conservative outrage-baiting about snowflakery and safe spaces and emotional support animals. It came across as though Bari Weiss or some smart young person who works for her searched Twitter and TikTok for trending topics and keywords, and decided “Hey! Here’s an idea! This will drive engagement! This will push some buttons!” I’m just tired of it. I’m tired of phony outrage and concern trolling. I’m tired of performative petty throw-down gotcha one-liners substituting for thoughtful commentary. 

*****

So why was I listening to Bari Weiss anyway? That is a reasonable question. I admire her bravery and honesty on some topics, especially the landmine-strewn field of gender theory. She is a great writer who was hounded off the NYT’s editorial board and while we’re talking about stuff that I am tired of, I am profoundly tired of seeing fanatics left and right allowed to control the discourse. I’m tired of ratio-ing and subtweeting and I’m REALLY tired of book banning and curriculum control and dishonest equivalence between obviously unequal ideas. 

Still, I’m of two minds about Bari Weiss. There's a part of me that wants to defend her, just because I’m even more sick of the Internet He-Man Woman Haters’ Club. Call me a radical feminist if you want, but my spidey senses tell me that the real reason for the strong reaction to Bari’s Bill Maher appearance had little to do with COVID and lots to do with the very existence of women speaking out about anything with our high-pitched feminine voices and our overly emotional demeanor. The word “shrill” made frequent appearances in the furious anti-Bari tweets during this little kerfuffle. Omicron panic made it easy for the haters to hide their misogyny behind a veneer of public health self-righteousness and faux outrage on behalf of service workers and public school teachers and students and beleaguered healthcare workers. But you know what they say on the Internet: We see you. I see you. 

*****

I started writing this weeks ago, obviously. But after watching Senators Cruz and Hawley and Cotton and Blackburn posing and posturing through the two days of hearings for Judge Jackson, the topic of phony political outrage trolling with a side of misogyny seemed relevant again. I’m no admirer of Senator Ben Sasse but the man earned a tiny place in my stone-cold heart for referring to the Senators’ antics as “jackassery,” especially since that remark immediately followed Cruz’s “questioning.” Well done, Senator. You’ll never get my vote for anything, ever, but you might have a little bit of my respect. 

*****

I haven’t listened to “Honestly” since the “trauma” episode. I haven’t found a new podcast home yet; but even when I do, I probably won’t listen to Bari again. It’s not ideological, although I do disagree with much of what she has to say. I just don’t want to consume any more of the tiresome content rolling off the fake outrage industrial complex’s assembly line. It’s an integrity thing.