The end of summer

Monday night: I'm done for the day, at the delightfully early hour of 8:45 PM. Maybe I'll sleep tonight. Meanwhile, I have a ton of things that I could do, but I think I'll hang around on the couch and watch "King of the Hill" with my kids, dang it.

Tuesday night: I should be working right now, and I will in a minute, but here I am, blogging instead.

I'm compulsive about a lot of things, including reading. I've managed to fool a lot of people into thinking that I'm a lot smarter than I really am, and that's because I will read almost anything. And when you read a lot of stuff, you learn a lot of stuff. Facts, and details, and historical dates, sports trivia, the actor who starred in that one episode of that show--I know pretty much all of that.

When I say that I'll read almost anything, I mean almost anything, including the directions on a container of hand soap at Aldi. Dispensing with the obvious question (no, not why would I read hand soap instructions, but why such instructions exist in the first place), the instructions were written as though the writer could barely suppress her disdain at whatever idiot needs written instructions to wash her hands: "Use as you normally would use hand soap to wash your hands." The ", dumbass!" was understood, I suppose.

"You need directions to wash your hands? That's asinine."

*****
Saturday: Even at my age, it's a shock to hear that someone you grew up with has died. My mom is here this weekend, and even though I can't remember how we ended up on the subject, I asked her if she had heard from the twins who lived next door to us when I was growing up, and was stunned to hear that they're dead.

Matt and Jimmy (not their real names) were the youngest of a family of five boys and a widowed mother. Their mother (who died several years ago and was thus spared experiencing the loss of her two youngest sons) was even stricter than my mother. We met the family when we moved into the house where my mother still lives, which was when I was 13. My sister was 12, and my brother was 9.  Matt and Jimmy were 11. Their older brothers were a bit older--the closest to them in age was five or six years older, and the oldest two, who still lived at home, were out of high school, working and taking classes at Community College of Philadelphia.

My sister and I and the twins went to different schools, and had different groups of neighborhood friends, but our houses were semi-detached, so we could literally step over our porch fence and be on the twins' porch; and vice versa. So we were all in and out of each others' houses constantly, especially during the summer.

When I was growing up, working mothers didn't worry about summer camp or programs for kids, unless they were too young to stay home alone. My brother and sister and I were alone after school and during the summer from the time I was 10 or so. Matt and Jimmy and their brothers also spent their summers unsupervised.  Who knows how we didn't end up in serious trouble during those summers, because despite their mother's best efforts to control her boys, they were wild, and none more than the twins.

Actually, I know why my sister and I didn't end up in trouble. I was a goody two-shoes, and even the older boys were afraid to drink or smoke pot when I was around, because they thought I'd tell on them. My sister was not as much of a rule-follower as I was, but she was popular and pretty and I think that the boys tried to be on their best (or at least better) behavior when they were around her. Matt and Jimmy were fraternal twins, though they looked nearly identical. The neighborhood adults used to call them things like "Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum," or "Frick and Frack." No adults other than their mother and older brothers could tell them apart, but my siblings and I knew them so well that we could easily distinguish them. We were unlikely but close friends.

The twins were probably the least motivated, least ambitious people I knew. They discovered beer and pot very early, and after that, they spent most of their free time drinking and partying.  But although they weren't ambitious, they also weren't lazy. They went to work right after high school (who knows how they managed to graduate) and went right to work, and they showed up at their jobs every day.  When they were 19 or so, they bought a car that they shared, and they always seemed to have money. In between work, porch-sitting, and drinking, they also helped their mother to maintain her spotless house and garden.

We lost touch eventually.  I moved away from Philadelphia altogether, and my sister and brother moved to the suburbs, while Matt and Jimmy remained at home, working all week, and drinking all weekend. We'd talk at holidays and when I came to visit, but that was all. Then the boys were left a pretty substantial sum of money by a relative (maybe their late father's parents--I can't remember) and they quit their jobs and moved to Florida.

I wasn't really close with the twins anymore, nor with the rest of their family, but I heard that without the their mother around, they fell into a routine that included a lot of drinking, a lot of drug use, and a lot of hanging around with the local party crowd. My mom kept in touch with them. They sent me a card when I had my first child, and we sent greetings back and forth through my mom, but I never actually spoke to them. About 10 years or so ago, according to my mom, they entered rehab and got sober. But apparently they fell back into old habits a few years later. They died within months of each other, of alcohol-related complications. They were 49.

As adults, we had only the most infrequent contact, and really none at all in the past 10 years.  But despite their flaws, they were possibly the two funniest people I ever knew. Even as my sister and I realized that the twins would probably spend most of their lives drunk or high or both (as in fact they did), they always had a spark and a sweetness that made it easy for them to make friends and keep them. Sad and wasteful as their lives were, they still left some good in the world. God rest their souls.

*****
Sunday: Normally, this would be the night before school starts. But this year, we have a one-week reprieve, thanks to an executive order from the governor of Maryland. Rumor has it that school will start in August again next year, but for now, we have one more week.

It already feels like summer is over, though. It's unseasonably cool, and it's almost dark just before 8 PM, and the water was freezing today. It's like a corner has been turned. I was planning to try to swim every night this week, the last week that the pool will be open, but I don't know if I can. It's too dang cold.

What are you talking about? I'm in a great mood.

Monday: As I wrote here, just over two years ago, it's only a matter of time before the deer turn predator, and I think that time is running out. I took a walk around my neighborhood tonight, and I'm pretty sure that the two deer on my neighbor's lawn, who stared at me, holding their ground, would have attacked me if I hadn't crossed the street. Minutes later, I saw a to-the-death battle between two angry squirrels, and then a stray cat squared off at me as if to warn me off its turf, which apparently consists of the whole neighborhood.

It's so rare to see a cat at large anymore. When I was growing up in Philadelphia, people let their cats out during the day. The cats would wander the neighborhood freely until sundown, and then return home. Occasionally, someone would have to go out and hunt for their cat, but most of the neighborhood cats seemed to have unerring homing instincts, and they'd just show up for dinner. People don't let their cats out anymore. And I guess I don't blame them, what with the predatory deer.

Anyway, what is this? Wild Kingdom? Sheesh.

Tuesday: It's fine once you get in. That's what people always say as you dip one tentative toe into the icy cold swimming pool. They won't shut up about it, in fact. "Really. I was really cold at first, but now it feels great. My lips are always blue. It's a medical thing. It's fine, I swear. Get in." So I got in, and swam for a while. And I got used to it. And it was still freezing damn cold, but it didn't matter after I had relinquished my will to live.

Thursday: Is there any possible excuse for any person younger than 85 to hold up the line at the Safeway by WRITING A CHECK OMG for groceries? That was a rhetorical question, of course, but there's nothing stopping you from answering it, as long as your answer is NO, NO, A HUNDRED TIMES NO, FOR GOD'S SAKE.

Standing behind someone writing a check ("What's today's date? What was the amount again? Who do I make it out to? Can I write it for $30 extra? No, wait--maybe $40 extra...") is bad enough. What's worse is standing behind the check-writer in the line manned by the super-friendly, super-entertaining cashier with the running commentary on every facet of life. I must be a misanthrope of the highest order, because every time I end up in his line, the person in front of me never fails to tell him how wonderful he is and how great it is that he's so upbeat and cheerful. And all I want to do is beat him over the head. As I restrained the head-beating urge and willed the check-writing slowpoke to hurry the holy heck up, I noticed a leaflet at the bottom of my cart. "WHERE DO YOU WANT TO SPEND ETERNITY?" was printed in fiery orange and red tones on its glossy black cover.

"Here," I thought. "Right here. I want to spend eternity in the gosh-darn checkout line at the Norbeck Fucking Road Safeway, so aren't I lucky? Because I've been here since the dawn of time and it appears that I'll be here until the sun burns out, and beyond." On my best day, I might have taken that leaflet as a reminder that I do have an immortal soul and that I should maybe take better care of it. But it wasn't my best day.

Saturday: Why did you fail me, Google Drive? Why can't I find the work that I most assuredly finished and saved in the folder where I know I saved it? Please tell me that I don't have to:
A. Rewrite what I already wrote or
B. Lug my 40-pound computer to and from work every day.

I'm normally a good-tempered and mild-mannered person, but technical failures and things not working in general turn me into a flaming torch of rage. I was trying to tear off a sheet of aluminum foil to cover the baking pan of chicken cacciatore that I was about to put in the oven, and the foil tore off in an ever-narrowing spiral, as an ever-widening spiral clung to the roll. I couldn't even. I handed the roll to my husband and said "Fix this please, before I put it through a window." He fixed it, because he knew that I wasn't kidding and that it's easier to stop watching the Redskins and get me some damn aluminum foil than to get a window repaired on a Saturday night.

Computer issues are even worse. I have more than once carried my computer toward the garage, loudly threatening to place it under a rear tire of my car, and then run over it. Someone usually rescues the computer, but one day, it'll be just me and the computer, with no reasonable people between it and the rear tire. Like the predatory deer, it's only a matter of time.

"I'll run it over! I swear I will!"

Sunday: So I just read this over, and I think I'm coming across as the tiniest bit irritable and grouchy. Plankton could take my correspondence course. The panic attacks are back and I'm running on about 12 hours sleep over the past five days, so maybe I'm a little punchy. It'll pass, like everything else does. I think I'll go swimming. It's fine, once you get in.

Pax in terra

I'm mobile blogging right now,  southbound on I-95. No, I'm not driving. Punctuation is the hardest thing about writing on a phone. Punctuation and sudden stops.

*****

We're listening to a road trip mix now. I should probably turn on the radio to see if we've bombed Pyongyang yet, or if North Korean missiles are en route to Seattle,  or if the Klan has descended on Silver Spring. But I'd rather listen to Erasure.

"Weight of the World." How appropriate.

*****

We're about 45 minutes away from home now. It's hard to believe that I woke up at the beach this morning. 

*****

It's Sunday morning , and we're home, so I'm writing on a real keyboard. Anyway, about the beach. We alternate vacations--we visit a new city one year, and then spend a week at the beach the next. It would be nice to do both every year, of course, but we're lucky that we can go away every year, no matter where it is. 

A city vacation is different from a beach vacation because you don't really fall into a routine in a new city. At least, we don't. We fill up every day and night, determined to see as much of our new city as possible. At the beach, though, we establish a routine on day 1, and by day 3, it's like we've always lived in Avalon, and always will. 

One common element of the beach and the city vacations is the early-morning outings with my now 12-year-old son. He and I are both naturally early risers, and we like to go out and do things while the rest of the family sleeps. In the city, this usually means exploratory walks around whatever neighborhood we happen to be staying in, with a stop for coffee and breakfast, which we deliver to my husband and older son just as they're waking up. At the beach, it means morning bike rides. 

Taken on Tuesday morning. It rained all day on
Monday and rain seemed likely on Tuesday,
too. But it turned out to be a sunny day. 

We usually ride for a few miles; sometimes south to Stone Harbor and the shops on 96th Street; and sometimes north to the center of town in Avalon. Sometimes we go farther--to 122nd Street, and Stone Harbor Point; or to Townsend's Inlet, across the bridge from Sea Isle City. Seven Mile Island is as flat as a prairie, so even with wind resistance, a long ride is pretty easy and pleasant, if you like to ride. Not everyone does. My whole family goes to the beach (we stay in separate places) and my sister suggested to my nephew, also an early riser, that he should join us one morning. He scoffed. "What am I, Lance Armstrong? Do you know how far they go?" Not that far if you're a serious rider, but I guess pretty far on a beach cruiser in August. 

The water was perfect last week. Slightly rough surf and a bit of an undertow, but so warm that you could just walk in, and no jellyfish at all. I've never been to the Caribbean, but everyone who has been complains that it ruins them for the Atlantic Ocean on the northeastern coast of the United States. This means that I should never go to the Caribbean, because I never want to not want to swim in the Atlantic Ocean. 

This boy was exactly as I'd have expected him to be in the surf. Knocked down by a wave and scooped up by his father before the current could pull him under, he spluttered and struggled and yelled "Put me down! There's another one coming!" Surrounded by a gang of 9- or 10-year old boogie boarders, he stood his ground, yelling "You guys gotta get outta my way!" And they did, shaking their heads and wondering who the crazy little kid was. 

*****

During city vacations, it seems like the world continues to do what it does, and I'm just as attuned to current events as I am at home. I followed election and Olympics coverage in Chicago in 2012 and Boston in 2016; and in 2014, even South Korean news media was covering the events in Ferguson, MO. ("What's happening in your country?" our tour guide asked us.) At the beach, though, the only news I seem to hear concerns the weather and the water temperature and the movement of the tides.  Somewhere around Wednesday or Thursday, it started to emerge that war with North Korea might be a real and actual threat; and then on Saturday, we watched "white nationalists" and Klansmen and neo-Nazis converge on normally peaceful Charlottesville.  

And so, as we drove further south, over the Delaware Memorial Bridge, into Maryland, toward Baltimore and finally nearing the Capital Beltway, the world once again continued to do what it does, and it felt less like a day that had started at the beach. There's only one kind of peace that matters, anyway, and it doesn't come from the ocean. Not even from the ocean. It's Sunday afternoon now. 

Tied up with string

You know what I love? The word "actually," when little kids say it. Sometime around age 3 3/4 to 4 1/4, little kids tend to start prefacing their explanations with "actually." This is funny enough on its own, but it's even better when they pronounce it "ackchully."

*****
You know what I don't love? The nightly thunderstorms this week, which are seriously affecting my swimming schedule.

*****
I feel like I should try to dress better. I mean, I try to look neat and appropriate for the occasion, but that's as far as it goes. But then I see someone who has taken extra care with their appearance, and they* look so nice, that I think that I should make the extra effort and take the extra time to make a better impression.

As with everything, it comes down to time. I have all the time in the world to pound out utter drivel on this blog, but not enough time, apparently, to take a few extra minutes to find some jewelry or an accessory, or something that would make me look more stylish and pulled-together.

And there's money, too. Clothes and shoes and accessories cost money, and I find that I'm willing to spend money on almost anything else. Like my 20-year-old couch, for example. It's a very comfortable, hardwood-frame couch that will probably outlast humankind, only the cushions and slipcover need to be replaced. So that's where my clothing budget for the next few months will be spent. The couch will be better dressed than me. On the other hand, it will have to wear the same outfit, every day, likely for the rest of its life.

*I have revised my position on use of the singular "they," which I hereby deem acceptable.

*****
I'm not sure how robust my annual reading list will be this year. I'm quite a bit behind last year's pace, and I don't see myself catching up any time soon. I just finished Beryl Bainbridge's A Quiet Life. It's apparently based loosely on her own life in postwar Britain. The story is told from the point of view of the older brother of a wild teenage girl who is having a secret affair with a German POW. The boy's family is miserably unhappy, and although the book is beautifully written, and short, it still took me ten days to slog through it. Well, I'm also reading another book at the same time, but a short novel is usually a faster read for me. I had never read Beryl Bainbridge before, and probably won't read any more of her work. Too depressing. She is almost as misanthropic as Evelyn Waugh, and not nearly as funny.

*****
And why am I even worried about maintaining last year's reading pace anyway? I'm not that competitive,  but I am goal-oriented. And I'm competitive sometimes, too. Swimming again, for example. I'm not very fast at all, but I can go all day. Just the opposite of running, for which I have near-zero endurance (and I'm also a slow runner, so maybe "just the opposite" isn't quite right. Maybe "somewhat the opposite" would be somewhat more accurate). I was swimming laps one night last week, and a neighborhood man, who is older than me, but fit--I see him running all the time--started to swim laps in the lane next to me. He had to stop to rest after every length of the pool, and he complimented my endurance. I modestly dismissed his praise; after all, as I explained, I'm a truly terrible runner who can barely cover a block without stopping to rest. But I was secretly pleased that I was better than someone--anyone--at something athletic.

The man got out of the pool after 5 or 6 laps, and I kept going. Another older person, a Russian lady who reminds me of Raisa Gorbachev, took his place. She and her husband, whose names I don't know, are frequent swimmers. We say hello and smile at one another, but I've never really spoken to them. Her endurance is better than the running man's, but I'm faster than she is. A lot faster. So even though she's at least 10 years my senior, I can't help but enjoy beating her pace and swimming past her, and turning before she's even 5 meters from the wall.  It's a small victory, but a victory nonetheless. Eat my bubbles, Mrs. Gorbachev.

*****
As usual, I have no idea how I ended up getting from there to here. I started by writing about some of my favorite things, and "actually" was first on my list. Then I got distracted.

But this post is kind of about some of my favorite things. Like swimming. And books. And grammar. And trash talking about old people. OK, not the last  one. But the other three, for sure. Books, swimming, and grammar really are some of my favorite things, actually.